THE ART OF CONFIDENT DECISION-MAKING

Having worked two full-time jobs while raising a family of four in the midst of war, setting up a university and my own businesses, coaching thousands of women from across the world and writing my first book, Decisions that Matter, at 78 gives me some confidence in addressing this subject.

Let me begin by comparing decision-making to a tree with three branches:

1. Responsibility
2. Risk
3. Control

The roots nourishing the tree are our preferred psychological timeline (past, present or future), mental focus or thoughts (positive and negative experiences) and our primary emotional drivers: sad, glad, mad or scared. The factors that determine whether or not the tree produces fruit are these:

1. Perfection (avoiding imperfection)
2. Black and White Thinking (wanting to be right)
3. Rejection (fear of being unloved)

This intricate context in which decisions are made triggers a cascade of ‘what ifs’.

‘What ifs’ are the scenarios and possibilities generated by our imaginations to help us plan, predict or learn based on things that haven’t yet occurred. Depending on the psychological timeline we focus on, these ‘what ifs’ can either hold us back through fear (past negative experiences), push us forward through excitement (anticipation of future success) or keep us where we are due the primacy of our need for certainty.

The fruits that the tree bears are the decisions we make.  If we do not make any decisions, our tree bears ‘what ifs’. How can we make sure that our decision-making tree produces good fruit?

Here are three foundational principles. Each requires that you kill one of your darlings, or long-held beliefs:

1. Taking responsibility means coming to terms with the reality that there is NEVER going to be a time when we know everything or have a hundred percent certainty that our decision is perfect. That does not exist in this universe. Recognizing that, we pluck up our courage and take responsibility for the imperfection that makes us human. We also trust our ability to manage the situation as best we can. Breathe!
2.  Taking risks is inevitable. We do it all the time even when we pick up a product off the supermarket shelf or get into our cars to go somewhere. However, when we become aware of the multitude of risks and strive to be RIGHT all the time, we suffer analysis paralysis. Accept that being human means that there are times when we will be wrong and others will be right. Give yourself a break! It is okay to be human. Breathe!
3. Taking control means being liked or disliked because we have taken the lead.  Not everyone is going to be happy with the initiatives we must take. Fear of being rejected / unloved is profoundly human because it is a primal survival instinct. No matter how hard we try, there will never be a time when everyone approves of and likes what we do. It is beyond unrealistic to expect everyone to love us. It is normal for us to be loved and supported by just a few, especially the few who matter. Breathe!

Next steps: Keep the image of this tree in front of you.  Look at it every day and decide if you want to produce fruit or ‘what ifs’!

Fay Niewiadomski is the author of Decisions That Matter: Rethink, Reimagine, Reset Your Life, an award-winning change management strategist and leadership coach.