FAMILY FEUDS? STAY CALM AND LISTEN TO YOUR OBSERVING SELF THIS CHRISTMAS

The holiday season brings family together, and while this can be a time of joy, it can also reignite old relational dynamics. Faster than you can snap your fingers, you might find yourself behaving like an emotionally reactive, younger version of yourself. Nothing makes a full-grown adult act like a child quite like being around parents and siblings. But this Christmas, you can choose a different path: staying calm and grounded by tapping into your “observing self.”

The observing self is the part of you that notices thoughts and emotions without getting swept away by them. Instead of reacting to Aunt Mary’s pointed comment or your sibling’s well-worn jabs, pause and take a moment to observe what’s happening—both around you and inside of you.

Start by grounding yourself in the present. Feel your feet firmly on the floor, take a deep breath, or tune into the sounds around you. These small acts help anchor you in the now, making you less likely to react impulsively or replay old grievances.

With half your attention planted in your body and the here and now, your observing self can “watch” family interactions as if they were part of a sitcom. Instead of being one of the actors caught in the drama, you become an audience member with a fresh perspective.

When emotions rise, name them silently: “That’s frustration,” or “There’s sadness.” By identifying emotions rather than becoming them, you create space to respond thoughtfully. A simple mantra, like “My family can’t help but play their roles, but I don’t have to,” reminds you that your past doesn’t have to dictate your present.

Finally, listen more than you speak. Approach each interaction with curiosity, even if it’s challenging. Staying calm and grounded allows you to break old patterns and connect with your family in a way that reflects who you are now—not who you were then.

This Christmas, let your observing self guide you toward a more peaceful and meaningful holiday.

Karden Rabin is the co-author of The Secret Language of the Body, out now (£16.99), and co-founder of Somia International.